So, I realize that I fail. I made this blog not too long after my 21st birthday, back in March--it's now September. I started it thinking I could write 21 memories for my 21st birthday. And wow, that took a lot of effort and I never actually finished it. I got to 18, I think.
Anyway, thoughts. What are thoughts but me talking to myself in my head? It's like Voices. I started having Voices in high school, although they weren't nearly as prominent as my friends made theirs out to be. Part of me thinks that they were exaggerating a little bit and that it wasn't as momentous as they made it out to be, but then again, there were some real crazies in my group of friends in high school, so they might have been telling the truth. But like I said, my Voices aren't nearly as fleshed out as my friend's were and I think that's what has made writing a bit harder for me than the rest of them.
I remember having a conversation with my friend Erika in Sunday School once about the Voices in our heads. I was talking about Angela and Sarah--at the time--and how they lived in my head. There were some really popular girls in my class that weren't nearly as crazy I my friends were, so when they overheard our conversation they looked at us as though--who would have thought--we were crazy. :D
One of them said, "You have people in your head?"
I said, "Yeah, they are really fun to talk to." (At this point in time I think my People were a lot more vocal than they are now, I think that might be my own fault in not actually letting them talk as much as I had back then. I mean I finished an entire novel my Sophomore or Jr year. And it was actually pretty good, the last part, the first part sucked beans.)
Blank stares of confusion. "They talk to you?"
"Yeah, they are the characters in my stories."
"How do you get them in there?"
"..." How am I supposed to answer that? It's not like I draw up a little person and shove them in through my ear holes. I can't do that and I'm sure that would break an eardrum or something. Not to mention PAPERCUTS!!!
But for me, I think it works better if I do end up drawing a picture of them. If I flesh them out on paper or find a similar photo in a magazine and work with them from there. I mean, that's not how it happens all the time, but I works well enough for me in the moment of their creation.
Recently, though, I've had a major problem. Angela Purling. She has gone by so many other names, but I think this is it. Angela has turned into Jessica. Angela, in the first draft of the novel I wrote my Sophomore, was awesome. She was smart, athletic, curious, willing to jump into a crisis or any unknown and explore it. Now, at least from Jessica's--her little sister--point of view, she's a pansy. And I don't know how to turn her back. I think it's the fact that I turned her into a gymnast instead of a softball player that has got her in a more girly mood, but I seriously can't turn her back into the awesomness that was Angela Roberts. I mean, how much does a sport and a last name change a person. I got married and changed my last name, I didn't change personalities though.
*sigh*
So, I've tried reading some of the old stuff that I have locked away on my computer and, although it can be hard to go through and see all the typos and dead ends/cliffhangers that I had left off--really parts of the story was horrible--I got to see a little bit of the old Angela that I and my friends loved. Well I hope they at least liked Angela. Victoria I know read it, and I believe Shelby read most of it. But they were so good in the role play that we did. I wish we could go and do another RP with out characters again. It was kind of ingenious how we did it and actually made it come to a complete end. I don't remember what it was and how we actually ended it, but I remember it being really good. Now, I really want to go reading it...
No, I need to work on Angela and that predicament. I don't know if I can actually find her again. I hope I can.
Angela. Please come back.
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